All or nothing.

Have you experienced having a relationship with someone and all of a sudden you feel like God is asking you to give it up? Maybe you're asking God why. Why do we have to face these things. But I believe God is just protecting us, especially girls, from heartaches of  love at the wrong time.

If you feel like its not yet the right time, KILL it for the meantime. If its really GOD'S WILL and PLAN, He will bring it back to LIFE in His own PERFECT TIME.

When we look in the dictionary, kill means to put to death, to put an END. And so, it calls us to end this relationship especially when you feel like its not yet the right time. End, and not just pause. Its two different things.

Ending something means to come to a conclusion- a final judgement. While pause only means a temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty, a temporary stop.

But being a follower of Christ, its an ALL OR NOTHING. Applying this, God calls us to STOP and not just to PAUSE what we are doing. He wants us to cut off everything that is not according to His will. 

Yes, I know it is hard but through God's grace nothing is impossible. We can overcome all these because it is written, we are more than conquerors. 

After all, true love can wait. One of the sweetest love story we can see in the Bible is the love story of Jacob and Rachel. 

So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. (Genesis 29:20)

Much has to be sacrificed.

Letting go of something important to you is really one of the hardest things to do. But knowing that its what will please God, it will be worth it.

Much has to be sacrificed in order for greater things to come in. 

I bet this is one of the things God is dealing with me for the past week. God is telling me to let go of some things. So to speak, I just had another Isaac moment. 

I must admit, God has been telling me about this long time ago but I am too hardheaded. I tried to act as if everything's okay. I keep on telling myself we're on the safe zone, maybe because I think we're not seeing each other anymore. But I realized that its more than that. Being emotionally attached to someone when its not yet the right time. Its still not good. I remembered the status of my friend before. 

Wala ngang commitment, pero may attachment naman. 

It really struck me. And so last week I made a decision, to cut off our communications. I know that by saying those words, it means more. It also calls for us to really cut off our relationship with each other. It was really a leap of faith on my side. Yes, it is going to be hard, especially for the coming months and years. But its what God wants me to do, and so here I am, obeying His word. 

I know some of you will not understand why I did this decision. When everything seems to be okay, people may ask me what made me cut off my communication with him? Actually there's really nothing wrong. We're not even seeing each other anymore, but its all about conviction- my convictions. My leader once told this, 

Mahirap na tumanggi lalo na kapag wala nama kayong ginagawang masama.

But its more than that. Its not a battle of good or bad anymore. Its a battle between wise and unwise. And in my case, I believe its a wise yet painful decision. Its also one way of protecting myself (and his' too!).

God doesn't asks us to let go of things because He wants us to feel empty. He wants us to release these things because He is just preparing us for the greater things He have planned for us. Let go and let God. 

Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe- and you're ready. (Song of Solomon 8:4 MSG)

Confirmed & Affirmed.

My dream of being prophesied had finally came true. So there you go, I wanted to share to you guys the things they told me there.


For this blog's sake, I will put into 3 categories all the prophecies they had for me.

1. Personal
2. As a student
3. Ministry

Most of the prophecies about ministry. ;) 


First, about my family and finances.


God has heard all my cries. And he assured me that He is going to be the one who will restore all the broken pieces. I was reminded of Acts 16:31"Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved- you and your household." I am still holding on to this promise. I know that as I work for the advancement of God's kingdom in my campus, He is also at work on my very own family. 


I am also claiming for financial breakthroughs and God assured me again that He is in control of it. Provisions will come along the way. All the papers and expenses needed to be paid before I leave the campus, its all done. God has already made a way for it.


As I continue to become a blessing to other people, God will also pour out blessings into my life. I don't have to be afraid for he has placed so much favor in every areas of my life. 


Student life.


They talked about my position as the Vice Chairperson of AMV COMELEC. They told me that I have a very influential position, and that negative things, accusations will be thrown against me. But I don't have to be afraid because God will fight for me. He is my shield, my defender.


Finally, the highlight of my prophecy. MINISTRY.

"You've been asking for confirmations. You've been asking for signs.. But remember that as you continue to seek me, as you continue to dwell in my presence, as you continue to put me on top of everything, I will bring clarity into your mind." 

When they told me about this I can't help but to cry and laugh at the same time. Why? Because its really true. The words are really exact. I've been asking for confirmations, long long long time ago pa. I've been asking for a Word too. And just this month I had a word. 

Psalm 51:13 MSG Give me a job teaching the rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. 

I am still praying for this one. Really. So friends please include me in your prayers, I still have one year to go. I still need more confirmations and words. :) 


In line with the above verse is the next prophecy to me. They told me that I'll speak to more women, either casual or deliberate, I will teach them God's ways. Its not my skills nor my talents that I'll use, but its God's word that I'll use to teach them. 


Guess what? I also remembered some of my dreams before. Dreams of talking in front of many people. Plus, I can also remember this dream I had, me and Kuya Francis (one of the Lifebox staff) is studying the bible. Its like he's mentoring me. Something like that. I believe its in line with this. Hehe.  They also told me that God will send people who will speak to me to bring clarity to that calling. People who will also enlighten me.


Plus, they told me as I respond to that calling, I will be satisfied. God will satisfy me in and out. Its not something na "Lord, I'll sacrifice my life, my dreams for this." No its not going to be like that. And there's only one thing in my mind when they told me about this, and that's going full time. Haha! 


They also told me to surround myself with godly women. Women who will push me to the calling God has for me. Women who will push me to be the best woman I can be. And its really funny because after all the things that happened to me for the past month, this is actually one of my prayers. To have deeper relationships with women, most especially to my deepbench family. 

"You've been proven faithful with the small things. Now is the time, God is entrusting you with bigger things." 

Its not only about material things, nor position in school, but even in ministry. God will entrust bigger things, but do not be afraid, nor be scared. God has equipped you, He has called you in the right timing. Its not about my skills, nor my talents; its all about God's anointing. 


Lastly, they also talked about my availability. Its like, 

"I don't know what to do, but here I am." 

Actually it has always been my prayer. For God to use me. I have been crying out this to Him. God can use so many people out there, but here I am pleading for Him to choose me, to be part of his plans. And I was assured that God has chosen me.. He has chosen me to make a difference in this generation. 


I was really comforted with all the words they told me there. All I can do is cry while they prophecy to me. :") My mind is now clearer than before. I don't need to rush things. I am going to be patient and wait until God fully reveal to me his plans for my life. For now, I will just enjoy my season- student life. And lets see for the coming years what will happen. ;)  

Last OMF Literature Book Sale.

So we were able to buy 49 books for a price of 1100php only. We saved almost 10K. Amazing isn't? :)

And from the 49 books, I got 8 for a price of only 110php. Two of those books I gave to my friends, and the remaining 6 is now on my shelf. Waiting to be read. ;)

Hopefully I could finish even just half of them by the end of the year. I'm not really into reading books. But I find these books interesting. Hmm. 

I am smiling. ☺

I tried not to care anymore, I tried not to show my emotions to you… but at the end of the day, I still think of you and how we used to be. I think of what the future may be. And I can't help but to think of the fact that you’re leaving soon… And it really hurts. 

I’m too tired of crying. In fact, there’s no more tears flowing in my eyes, but the pain in my heart? I can still feel it. Every time I think of that day, my heart pounds, I feel so weak. 

I try not to talk to you about this and just pretend that I am okay, but deep inside I really don’t want you to leave. As much as I want to spend time with you, I just can’t. We’re too busy with our own lives, with our responsibilities, with our works. 

I just pray and ask to God that someday when we’re already ready, He will make a way to lead us back to each other’s arms. Sorry if you feel like I don’t care for you anymore. Actually, I do. I really do, but I try not to show it anymore because I don’t want you to feel the pain I am feeling.


I am smiling, but inside I am dying. 

True friends correct.

Last night I saw a note made by my friend. Actually she's very special and close to me, not until that confrontation happened.

It was around September (I guess) since that incident happened. The words I said to her. Her guilty look. That intense feeling I had. Yes, I can still remember everything. That night was probably one of the most unforgettable nights I ever had with her. 

We had this little argument over a guy. Yes, a guy. Honestly, I really don't like that guy for her. I confronted her because I was just concern for her. After that confrontation we both asked for forgiveness. We both know that we have hurt each others. I even repented because I knew that I also made something wrong. Yes, I know I'm on the right standing, but I let my emotions overrule me. Knowing me, I really have a strong personality especially when fighting over a thing that I know is right. Maybe that frightened her.

Anyways, its been months now since that happened. And during those months, we haven't talked again. I can feel that she have already set a wall against us, her friends. Maybe that's the effect of that confrontation.  

And last night, I saw this note she made. Even though we're not tagged there, I know it has something to do with us. So I opened it. She explained her side, I got her point. Yes. And I must say I was hurt after reading that. I even asked my friends if I am a bad friend. Seriously, I tweeted that because after reading her note I felt like I am a bad friend to her. Of course I got a lot of sweet and cheesy answers from my friends, but this one really touched my heart.

Hindi. You're one of the best friends na nakilala ko. You even confronted me when there is something wrong in my attitude.

 Jeff, one of my best friends this college, told me this. I believe what he says because knowing this guy, hindi ito cheesy, so totoo talaga mga sinasabi niya sa akin.

I can be one of your sweetest friends ever. But I'm the type of friend who will not tolerate your wrongdoings.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

I can be your loving sister, but I can also be someone who'll discipline you.

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Proverbs 27:5

I will set my standards as high as that of God's. And I will not compromise. No, not even to my closest friends. As the popular saying goes,

True friends correct you when you're wrong. 

And I am really sorry for the things that I said that night. But if given a chance to turn back time, I think I will do it again. Yes, I know its heartbreaking. Its hard. But all for love, I will do it again for you.

I really miss her. They miss her. We miss her. And I am praying that one day we will be able to be with her again. I am praying that she'll really make a stand to follow what God is telling her to do.

Truth is.

Even though I say to some of my friends that past is past, I know deep within me that I am still affected. I know I still have feelings. But of course, things are different now. I can't just simply pour out all my emotions just like before. I can, but I won't do that again. I still have a feeling for you, but I know its not yet the right time.